In Memory of Ricky Wilson

Today is the Funeral of my cousin who ended his own life.  My heart is sad for those that he left behind filled with Grief and Guilt and Confusion. 

I can imagine, only a little, what must take place in someones mind during such a moment.  I have been close to that cliff only once in my life.  It was the night after I buried my twins.  My Loss seemed so unbearable.  I could not see past the blackness and the hurt.  My Bubble seemed small and full of no Hope only Pain.  I didn't think it would ever diminish.  But it did.

Even with a bottle of Cheap Champagne all I could think about was how Permanent it would be.  That's the ultimate 'no going back' decision.  And it leaves so much Pain in its Wake.  It's a Regret you can't fix.

I can barely remember the last time I even saw my cousin Ricky.  I really have only one memory of him, racing around my Grandmother's house on his little red tricycle.  It was snowing outside. 

That's the kind of Grandma we had.  The most amazing kind.  There was always a candy drawer full of treats.  A cupboard full of snow clothes, mittens and pants that never fit right.  A little table we got to drag out into the living room so we could make PlayDoh pies.  And we were always allowed to rollerskate or ride our trikes thru out the house. 

It's hard to imagine how that little boy tearing up the lineoleum with a sucker hanging out of his mouth got from There to Here.  Life happened.  And the in between was  was just to much.  Now he rests where ever it is that Heaven resides.  And his Wife, Child, Parents, Sister and Friends will be left to keep Living. 

Even if we don't know the person very well, I think we can learn something from Every Death that happens in our Circle of Life. 

We can become more grateful for the Moments we have with the People that we Love.  We can make an effort to see those that we haven't seen in a long while.  Maybe our lips are loosened and we say the things we think we should have said for a long time.  Or maybe we learn that we don't need to say Everything that comes to mind.

As for me.  I am thankful for the blue skies and sunshine and for the People in my Life who tell me AND show me that they love me... not just because there is a Tragedy... but all the time.

May the People closest and most affected by Ricky's death find Peace.