From my Bubble Right back into Yours

Every person has their own Reality based on which part of the Life Pie they are standing in and have already walked through.


The day I realized this, it was like a major revelation for me. Should have been a no~brainer… seems like such a simple concept. Sometimes these things come slow to me.

I mean. Wow. Does this mean that no matter how much I talk that I am NOT going to be able to get someone else to 'see the sky' from the very spot of grass that I am standing on.  And why,  given that knowledge and  regardless of my brain sending me clear messages to shut the hell up,  do I continue to go on and on and on? 

The good thing is that I am realizing that I need to accept that other peoples opinions are just that. Their Opinions. And mostly they have nothing to do with me even if they are directed at me. Their Opinions of my Life & how I should live it, are most often based on their Own Journey through Life. And Vise Versa. I find myself giving the very same advice I should be taking. ALL the TIME.

Once I understand and remember that while I see Blue Skies, they may just see the Cloud in the Corner, I am able to FREE myself from Emotional Attachment to Their Version of my Reality.

Not that sometimes those who love me the most can’t clearly see me walking into the same closed door over and over again and feel perpetually responsible to call out to me just before I do. Rarely do I heed their advice to stop. For whatever reason I am compelled to make the same mistakes over and over again, learning my lessons the hard way, usually stumbling upon the ‘Right’ Choice for me by accident. But taking full credit for it anyway.

Why has this been so hard for me? Because in general I think we all Desperately seek out the same thing. Validation, Acceptance, Love. And when we don’t get that we assume that we are not worthy of it. Or that someone else is to blame because we have not found it. Instead of seeing that for whatever reason we have stumbled off our Path and have been turning over all the wrong Rocks.

“Someone’, who used to be close to me, told me that I was Negative and Angry. This is when I first realized that ‘their’ Truth and Mine were not the same at all.  Maybe at one time that was Me.. but now... not only do I no longer see those traits in myself, but its actually the very same traits that I see in them. I had this mental image of their Words bouncing off my bubble and Landing right back in theirs. After that I could walk away from that conversation with only Minor Wounds.

My ex husband told my daughter this summer that he hates me because he blames me for him and his second wife not being able to make their relationship work. She apparantly was his Soul Mate.  Somehow, from the distance of my own Life,  I single handedly ruined it.  Hmmm.  Even our Daughter, with only 15 years of Life Experience doubted my responsibility for this failed relationship.  But, as you can imagine, I had to snap my jaw back in place when she repeated this information to me.   It was, after all, a Surprise that this is where his anger has stemmed from.   I thought he was just mad because 'I got' the Last Fourth of July. HA.

CLEARLY my reality and truth of that situation is much different. May those Words bounce off my bubble and knock him on his ass when they land back in his. I mean really? It’s my fault he couldn’t make the 2nd Marriage work that he started before he was even divorced from his first wife/Me? Hello? If I couldn't make OUR marriage work I certainly don't have the Skills or Magical Powers to make THEIR marriage work. 

It did release me from ever feeling that I needed to make an attempt to be ‘friendly’ with the Dumbass. Clearly he is harboring some anger issues that not only do I have nothing to do with, but that I can not change. I’m not so obtuse as to not realize that I can NOT convince him of anything other than what he has determined to be the Truth in his own mind.   It is Obviously easier to blame all future failed relationships on that of your Evil Ex Wife than to take responsibilty yourself. 

I understand that.  It can be excruciating to look inward and see the Choices we have made in our Life and to accept it for what it is.  No justification.  It is only the bravest or the most desperate who ever actually do it.  I find that it is only when I have been knocked flat, that I am GIVEN the opportunity to contemplate these things without any Will of my Own.  Otherwise I doubt that I would venture there either.  God has just never given me a Choice.  When I'm hard of hearing and refuse to Listen.  He gets out the 2x4. 

A 'Stand Back View' of his Truth of me (and by 'his' ... I'm talking about the Ex hubby.. not God... despite the fact that the Ex may be confused about the distinction)   gave me nothing more than Freedom from his Opinions... 

But why did it take me 9 years to get there. 9 years to realize that his anger and blackness towards ME had nothing to do with ME. For God’s sake. The energy I could have saved had I realized this Truth from the beginning. Here I was taking it personally and thinking I had the Power to change it. If I gave up holidays, Never asked for an increase in child support but instead watched it dwindle to Almost Nothing as he made more and more money, If I was just a good enough Ex-Wife he’d stop being a Dick. Ya. Ha. Now that IS funny. He’s still Pissed. In fact after all of my Super Woman Attempts at being the Perfect Ex Wife he’s madder than EVER before.  There is a surplus of Wood beside his Fire and he just keeps throwin' it on.  Go figure.

I use this Revelation of Paradoxical Truths on even Random People.. Like the lady who came through the coffee shop and yelled, “I don’t want a fuckin’ scone… I want a goddamn muffin”…. clearly that wasn’t about me or my offer of a Freshly Baked Scone. I can look at her with one eye brow sitting on my hairline and say nothing because I know that she isn’t really even Seeing Me. She’s yelling at someone else. About something other than Muffins.

I get that Life is Hard.  Mine hasn't been all Peaches and Cream... But Seriously... If you want a Muffin. Go get a Muffin. Stop blaming everyone else because you don’t know where to find one or because you refuse to pick up the one that has been sitting there right in front of you the whole time. 

As for me.  I FOUND MY MUFFIN....AND I'M ENJOYING IT UNDER THE BLUE CLOUDLESS SKY!    :0)