Last night I had a dream that I had invented Flubber. Apparently Boyfriend says I tossed and turned and talked in my sleep all night long. I was yelling at Flubber to get out of the kitchen sink. It was full of sudsy water and dirty dishes and I was afraid he was going to drown. Then I was chasing Flubber all over the place trying to catch him but he kept slipping through my fingers. I’ve been doing a lot of dreaming and talking and running in my sleep. I wake up exhausted.
I’m fighting the stream right now. I float a little ways down it then I start swinging my arms and try to fight my way back up it. I know the answer. The Truth. Be in the Water. Be Like Water. Stop resisting and let life happen. Flow down the Stream.
The little Suzy that sits on the left shoulder says, “Bullshit. Fight it all the way. Kick the doors down. Make something happen right freakin’ now.” The little Suzy that sits on the right side of my shoulder says, “Shhhhh. Be Patient. Embrace the stillness. It‘s all going to happen when the timing is right and perfect”.
What’s going to happen? The Economy will turn around just for me. The Creditors will quit calling because they think I deserve a break. People will start buying 2 or maybe even 3 Latte’s a day so I can finally collect a check at the coffee shop and buy out my non-participating partners. Someone will pay off my mortgage so that the Foreclosure Notices will quit coming in the mail every 3 months. I’m going to find my house key laying on the table when I get home. The laundry will do it self. My run down P.O.C. Nissan will turn into a Land Cruiser with bright shiny chrome wheels and a tank full of gas.
Seriously, why is it so difficult to decide which things to Let Happen and which things to take control of. I believe that there is a little Gerbil running around in my head after dark, jumbling up all the boxes and mixing up the information.
Apparently last night said Gerbil took ‘Control the Universe’ out of the ‘Let God handle it’ box and put it in my ‘Do Today Box’. So. Its been a busy busy morning.
Every one I know is suffering from unwanted Change right now. My girlfriend who once made $20,000.00 a month, B.E.C. (Before Economy Crash) is considering a $7.25 an hour job supplemented by Food Stamps. My other single girlfriend told her landlord that she ‘definitely takes that 3 Day Pay or Vacate Notice seriously’ and is working on her current cash flow in hopes she won‘t have to take it so seriously that she needs boxes and packing tape. And I paid for my car insurance in quarters & dimes this month. Which, BTW Universe, I am thankful to have had.
Do Not Panic. Do not race for the Door. Breath in. Breath Out. Keep doing that until the Gerbil is asleep.
And the thought for today is to NOT drink before Noon. O yay. It’s 12:10. HA.
- SuzyQ
- Just LIVE.LOVE.BE. Everything else around you will evolve and change whether you ride the river or fight it and swim upstream. The only difference is how tired you'll be when you come to the end. That’s what this Blog is about. My journey and what I have and have NOT learned along the way.
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1 comment:
Chloe Lozier Westwood July 14 at 2:25pm
I tried to 'comment' on your Blog and this was my comment..but it wouldn't accept it! So here it is:
Finally, a place to vent! Oh my God, this is hilarious! To read what my friend tells me every day (spoke one of the said girlfriends) ...the one with the evil Poltergiest-like property manager who tells me I need to 'get a full-time job'. Tells me 'maybe it's time to accept that you can't afford the house'...are you fucking kidding me???!!! I've already 'been there, done that' with the whole foreclosure thing, already had the Sell Everything That Isn't Nailed Down Garage Sale (at Suzy's advice hahaha) and yes we drank the whooole time! :) I've been struggling to maintain a full-time job, and an inflated rent payment on a house in the middle of an area that, in the last 20 years, has managed to shut down every semblance of industry and revenue and inflate the property values to such an insane level that NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY can afford to live here. And if they say they can they are smoking medical marijuana (heeellloooo.....it's harder to start a licensed daycare in this valley than it was to become a 'caregiver' when they opened the floodgates of the medicinal weed.) Point being, we are living in an economy where there are no jobs, no industry, the cost of living is out of this world, and if a lonely little job happens to rear it's pathetic head, you've got a minimum of 300 totally overqualified people mauling it to a bloody pulp. Sigh....and I've "Been The Water" for 4 frickin years...ever since I divorced Suzy's FIRST husband ( I know, right?! That's why we drink!!"). But seriously, I get that you can't control shit. I get that there's a bigger picture. I get that material things really don't matter and I have learned to live with soooo little.. and like it! I love my children, where I live, my lifestyle, my friends, my family, my boyfriend, and I truly believe everything leads to something else. Sometimes it blows me away to realize I'm living a life that is feeding off the lessons of the past and THANK GOD I lived and learned those lessons ..."All is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should."... But, frankly being on the verge of getting kicked out of my rental and finding a new home for me and my 3 (well, 2 cuz my 18-yr-old is venturing out..)children, hoping it isn't gonna be a frickin cardboard BOX...tends to make me hyperventilate more than a little and argue with the bigger picture and deny that there is even a remote possibility that I am destined to be on the street. I don't WANT that to be part of the 'Bigger Picture'...bigger picture my ass! Ok, Susan, it's time for our drinks, now! :) hahahaha
C.
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