Tomorrow is a day I’m NOT looking forward too. The funeral of a 35 year old Mother and her Beautiful Vibrant 16 year old daughter, who was shot in the back by the Mother’s Boyfriend. 16 and Caught in the middle of a Domestic Violence Issue. It's Horrific.
Since I buried my 3rd baby, I have studiously avoided funerals. I will go to a “Celebration of LIFe” … THAT I can handle. Funerals. I’d rather NOT attend.
This one. I have to.
So. In preparation. Tonight. I turned off the lights. Lean in and turn on the shower. Candles lit. Glass full of wine. I was going to sit in the dark… and cry. A Gut Wrenching kind of cry. Just get IT out of the way. Again.
So that tomorrow I can Be strong for my daughter.
I slide the shower curtain to the side… and step in… CRUSHING some unsuspecting small plastic Soldier. Several of them in fact. Along with a few armored cars. And a few broken guns.
There had obviously been a battle in the shower, even before I got there. I’m not sure who won. They were still drying off.
While I was carrying the wet injured soldiers & their soapy vehicles out of the tub, to lay in front of ‘their owners bedroom’….
I smiled.
Deep inside. My inner Child Smiled and actually laughed. Yes. Out Loud. LOL.
I remembered the tub full of BathToys that ‘grandma Mc’ had in her closet. It was The Best Thing Ever…. A giant cream colored tub ...... full of empty makeup bottles, shampoo bottles, measuring cups & spoons. And in the middle of the tub was a bottle of Bubble Bath. Heaven in a Tub ..... Squirty Bubbly Bottles of Fun.
I can remember Charie and I sittin’ in that tub full of suds… filling and spraying every bottle. Dreaming... in the way that only a child can dream and play.
Something about Warm Water, Bubbles & Toys that can make you forget anything that extends outside the TUB.
Those were such Peaceful Great Memories.
So, as I lay the wet soldiers and their armored cars by Trenten’s door… I can’t help but think that in this World of Pain and Loss… there is definitely a ‘flip side’….
We HAVE to see what is right there in front of us. The Gifts.
They are so obvious.
Sometimes I am so bent on the past.. Judgment of others… Untruths in my own mind… that I don’t see the gifts that are right there in front of ME………. Just Waiting to be Claimed.
My LESSON:
A Bathtub full of Toys..... That is LIFE..... So Play! Enjoy! Live! Love! Laugh!
Tonight…I’ve decided to NOT sit in the Shower and Cry….
I've Put the Wet Battered & Bruised Soldiers by ‘their door’…………
.....and I’m going to Hug the Man I love.. Kiss the Kids I love … and Thank GOD for the LIFE he has Given ME!!!!
Our Souls LIVE the LIFE they are Supposed to. Then they GO Where we Will Once Again BE.
2 comments:
It's funny how when one is not involved in a relationship, life is soooo easy to see. It's so easy to listen to your Friends, listen to them spinning out over the stresses of Relationships and Feelings and Fear...and calmly say "Be thankful for what you have and embrace your blessings...live as if today is the last day of your life!"
Arrrrggggghhhhhh.......And then your Own Fears and Feelings and PRIDE get in the way :)
Maybe I should be thankful I can recognize my dilemna, and know that I'm closer to figuring things out....
Nothing like magic blue water and ivory soap bubbles.... and loads of tub toys... Seldom do I go long without remembering the gift of love she shared with us!.. well.. both Auntie Shirley and Grandma Mc. The message for me is to not forget to live life... Enjoy. I love you sista!...
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