Why can't God throw me a Damn Bone?

There are days when I’m just not sure I can take one more thing. Days that I would give almost anything to take a vacation from my life. Like a real vacation. For about a year. A week just wouldn’t cut it.


I’d like to curl up in bed, obviously not mine as it now smells of Skunk, with my teddy bear and a kiss on my forehead from a mother who is no longer in my life, and take a very very long nap. Life has just made me so tired today.

I can usually find some humor or something positive in everything that happens in life. Not today. Today, the Glass is half empty. The stream is cold and full of Boulders and Trees and Bears and Skunks. I am wallowing in self pity and no one can talk me out of it. I’m holding back tears. Just barely. I’m sitting in the coffee shop wishing it were 3 o’clock so I could go. Somewhere. But not home. Jamaica Maybe.

Yesterday, even though I’d been fighting some stomach virus, I went home, took a nap then woke up and spent 4 hours cleaning house. Going through cupboards and closets. Scrubbing and shampooing the floors. All in the wild hopes that someone will make an offer on this Beast of a House and Free Me from it. I was tired and proud of the work I had accomplished, thinking how much I loved the smell of a clean house as I was falling asleep. Seriously. I can’t miss the irony of those thoughts. Its like I sent out a personal freaking challenge to God. ‘Hey, do you hear me up there… I love this clean smelling house… Please do whatever you can to change that for me’. I mean really.

4am this morning. My honey opens the master bedroom door, to let the pacing young dog outside, only to be greeted by a blast of Skunk. Or several Blasts. I’m pretty sure that Skunk emptied itself right through the door and all over the Porch and Wooden Door Jam.

We tried to sleep, in the far corners of the house. But the stench had worked its way through all three levels. And the dog could be heard howling and crying from the garage for most of the morning. At first I was laughing… but then it turned into some kind of hysterical cackling… and ended with a choking noise in my throat as I tried to not cry when I realized the full irony of my 4 hour attempt at making my house smell clean for the ‘showings’.

I came to work, tired with a queasy stomach and the lingering stench of Skunk in my hair to find that the air conditioning had leaked water down the walls of my shop and the sheetrock & flooring is all warped and ruined. It is a good thing I do not sell Vodka at my coffee shop.

A person can just try and try and try to swim down the stream smoothly and serenely, but there just isn’t much you can do when the forces of nature have turned on you. That is how today feels.

I shouldn’t whine. I know there are worse situations happening to people all over the world. I try very hard to remember that. And it makes me feel guilty that I’m feeling sorry for myself for piddly little things like a Skunk Saturation or a Melted Wall.

Its just… some days… I’d like God to Throw Me a Bone. Ya know…. Make something simple for me. My friend Chloe said to me, “wouldn’t you love to have a glimpse of your life a year from now… see if your happy and life has gotten a little easier”. Most days I’d say absolutely, knowing that everything that comes my way will be good. Not today.

Today. I’m wallowing in a Ridiculously large amount of Skunk Smelling Self Pity.